


Never Good Enough

by GallifreyanFairytale



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anti-Hook, Crying, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Abuse, don't read this if you like hook, like extremely anti-hook, the swanqueen can be platonic or not you decide, this is pretty much just me venting, this is probably terrible but i'm tired and kind of distressed, vent fic, why do i always vent write about ouat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 15:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: no matter what she does, it's not enough for him to love her back in the way she loves him.





	Never Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sure venting by writing is the best way to deal with emotions, but i wrote this anyways so i guess i'll post it even though it'll probably get like 2 reads. it's pretty much unedited so sorry for any mistakes but i'm too tired to edit it right now. i might come back and fix any mistakes eventually.
> 
> also please don't read this if you ship captainswan and/or like hook. click the back arrow and read some fluff or something because this is not for you, i promise.
> 
> this takes place sometime during season 6a (i guess?) or maybe in an au i really don't know. but it's after robin dies and before wish!robin shows up. the season 6 events are really irrelevant, i just wrote it to take place after robin's death because i needed it to be even more sad apparently.

Regina was exhausted. She hadn’t had a moment to herself that wasn’t in the dark of her bedroom with the door shut and locked so Henry wouldn’t see how broken she looked at the end of the day. And now someone was knocking softly on her door and it was nearly midnight and Regina just wanted to be able to  _ sleep _ . Sleep meant she didn’t have to think about everything that was happening--

 

“Oh my God,” Regina heard herself say as soon as she opened the door. As horrible as Regina was sure she looked, Emma looked worse.  _ Much  _ worse. “What happened?” Regina was expecting a monster ripped from another lost legend or one of the few fairytale villains they hadn’t encountered yet. Some other problem Regina would have to solve.

 

Emma didn’t answer. She opened her mouth like she was about to before breaking into sobs, ugly sobs that racked her body and made Regina feel guilty for initially not wanting to deal with any Charming drama right then.

 

Regina lead Emma into her house and sat her down on the couch. While Emma’s sobs slowly quieted, Regina set to work in the kitchen. Within a few minutes, she was offering Emma a cup of hot cocoa and cinnamon, which Emma accepted with a barely audible  _ “Thanks” _ . Regina sat down next to Emma and waited while the blonde sipped on her hot chocolate.

 

Once the cup was mostly empty, Emma set it down on the coffee table. Regina assumed that meant she was ready to talk about… whatever it was she needed to talk about. “What’s going on?”

 

Emma took a shaky breath. Regina didn’t know what answer she was expecting, but it wasn’t a whispered, “Killian,” falling from Emma’s lips. Or maybe somewhere in the back of her mind, she had been expecting it and simply hoping that wasn’t it. But when did hope ever do anything for Regina except break her heart?

 

Regina placed her hands on top of Emma’s, maybe to ground her, maybe to assure her she wasn’t alone, maybe because Regina needed the comfort just as much as Emma did. “What did he do?” Regina was trying to keep her voice steady, but with the mood she was in at the moment, Regina was having trouble not just getting up and sending the pirate right back to the Underworld.

 

“I--” Emma’s words seemed to get caught in her throat as another sob took over her body. Regina squeezed her hand. Emma sniffled and wiped her tears away. “I-- I thought… I thought it could get better, you know? I thought… I went to hell and back for him, but… but it still isn’t enough, and…” Emma’s voice faded away as she fought back more tears. “I would die for him. I’d rip my heart out and give it to him even if it killed me, as long as he could live. I’d tear myself apart for him and ignore how much it hurt me. But no matter what I do, none of it is ever enough!” Emma’s tone was changing from dejected to irate now. “I can never be enough for him! He tells me that he loves me, but then he never acts like it! I’ve given him chance after chance, hoping that maybe this time he’ll change, but he never does and I just… I can’t do it anymore! I went to the freaking  _ Underworld  _ for him, what more does he want?!”

 

Regina waited a few moments before responding so Emma could calm down a bit. But as soon as she was done ranting, she slouched over, leaning into Regina. Her anger had faded fast and now she was looking hopeless again. She was looking exactly how Regina felt.

 

“Maybe he wants you to… mindlessly submit.”

 

“What?” Emma’s voice was soft.

 

Regina shrugged, trying to detach herself from her words. “Men want that sometimes. They want women who will just… follow them and not think about it. Women who will do whatever they say and not question. But you weren’t built for that. You’re the Savior, you’re supposed to be the one people follow to victory. You can’t be subdued, and he doesn’t like that.”

 

Emma sniffled again and then got quiet. Regina wasn’t sure if she was agreeing or not, because she couldn’t read the expression on the blonde’s face. After several minutes of silence, Emma finally asked, “You really think so?”

 

“I think that’s the only reason anyone could not love you. And if someone wants that from you, they don’t deserve your love.”

 

Maybe Emma’s mind was too foggy to overthink what Regina had just told her, but Regina’s mind was most definitely overthinking every word she’d just let slip.

 

Emma sighed. “I feel… I don’t know how I feel.”

 

“That’s okay.” The response felt automated, mechanical, as it left Regina’s mouth, like it was something she had to say even though she believed it. “You don’t always have to know how you feel.” Regina hoped her second sentence sounded more genuine, but she wasn’t sure.

 

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and Regina saw more tears leaking from them. She almost moved to wipe them away, but stopped herself. Emma might not be in a place where she wanted to be touched without permission, and Regina didn’t want to do anything that could possibly scare Emma away from her when she was clearly in need of someone she could talk to.

 

“I feel used.”

 

“That’s completely acceptable. Whatever you feel, it’s valid.”

 

Emma sat up and looked at Regina, doubt filling her eyes. “You don’t… you don’t think I’m making this all up? I don’t… I don’t have bruises to prove any abuse.”

 

“You don’t need any bruises to be emotionally abused,” Regina replied before she could stop herself. She tore her eyes away from Emma and settled them on the ground. “I believe you. I don’t have any reason not to.”

 

Emma didn’t smile, but she leaned forward and pulled Regina into a hug, catching her off guard. Regina hugged back slowly as she felt Emma squeeze her tighter, like Regina was her lifeline. Maybe she was.

 

“Thank you,” Emma whispered into Regina’s shoulder.

 

“Always,” Regina promised, though she knew it was a promise that she might not be able to keep. Then again, to her,  _ Always _ didn’t mean  _ Forever _ . To her, it meant  _ As long as possible _ . And Regina would be there for Emma as long as possible.


End file.
